Paddy Who?

Paddy Me Boy….

"But Paddy" the helmsman pleaded "everytime we try to land the blinking boat, the crowd keeps throwing rocks at us. I thought you knew these people and this blinking coastline". Paddy shrugged his shoulders and answered "It doesn’t look familiar, but then again the whole blinking place looks the same". "But" the helmsman continued "you said you had been here for more than six years".

"Yeah" there was a chorus from the other two members of the crew.

"Look here" Patrick seemed annoyed "we can either turn around and go back and you can all report that our mission was impossible or" and Paddy raised his arm and pointed "We can try somewhere else". With that they turned the boat around and headed north along the coast. Within minutes they were caught in a strong tide and were being pushed northwards at a great rate of knots.

When they had been travelling for more than two hours, the tide slackened and they drifted towards the shore and a sandy beach. They dragged the boat up onto a grassy bank and lay down to rest. They had been at sea for the best part of two weeks.

A foggy mist began to swirl down from a nearby hill and it began to rain. "Blinking hell", John, one of the crew complained "Is it always like this here?". Paddy replied with a smile on his face "No, not always John, most of the time it is much worse. I think we better head for a more sheltered spot". They took their baggage and began to move inland.

Close to the top of the nearby hill, they came across a rocky outcrop where they decided to rest for the evening. "We will continue in the morning" Paddy explained "and we should reach where we are going by tomorrow night". They ate what food they had left from their journey and rolled up in their bedrolls to sleep.

Half an hour later, Peter stood up and began to pace up and down. "Blinking hell Paddy, but this weather would test the patience of a Saint. Is it always this cold here in March?" "Not always" replied Paddy with a large grin on his face "sometimes it even snows". "Well how about lighting a fire?" John asked. "Sorry John" replied Paddy "but you know these people’s rules, only the King can light the first fire after the the spring equinox". "I’ll be careful Paddy" John moaned "otherwise we will all catch pneumonia and our journey would have been in vain". "Be it on your own head John" Paddy answered then rolled himself up in his bedding and closed his eyes

John, Peter and Claud, the other crewman, gathered up wood from beneath nearby trees and literally within ten minutes, not only had they a fire going, but an enormous one at that. As they sat around it, they began to sing.

Meanwhile, about five miles away, the fire was seen by some of the King’s men. When the King heard the news, he sent out a team of men to capture and kill if necessary, the person or persons responsible.

As the armed guards rode up, the three crewmen woke up Paddy. "I think we have cocked–up Patrick, you might be up to your knees in pig-shit once again". "Why is it that everytime I close my eyes for just one minute, you trio of amadans (idiots) create havoc". The Captain of the Guard rode up and ordered that the fire be extinguished immediately. When he saw Paddy and the strange clothing he was wearing he asked "And who are you?" Patrick stood erect and answered "I am Patrick from Rome, I have been sent back to Ireland by his Holiness the Pope, to convert your people to Christianity". "I don’t give a blinking damn who sent you, you are all coming with me to stand before the King of all Ireland where you can plead for your lives".

As they were marched away, John turned to Peter and whispered "I hope to God that Paddy has some clever tricks up his sleeve that will help save us. These soldiers are frightening the crap out of me".

And so began the task of Saint Patrick to do God’s work in Ireland………..

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