The Pride of Dublin

The Charlady’s Ball.......

 “Will yeah come here ‘till I tell yeah.   Sure now, haven’t I been living in Dublin all these years.   Me name is Bridget Mary Mulligan and I’ve been a widow this past twenty years.   Poor old Mister Mulligan passed away in his sleep when we had been married some twelve years or so.   He was a fine gentleman and left me well provided for.  

“We had two children, one girl and one boy.   The little girl was a delicate child and many’s the time we thought she was a gonner.  Thank God she survived and she’s now one of the finest lookers in not only the whole of Dublin, but in the whole of Ireland I might add.   She has a pair of lungs on her that would make one of them big women that sing the Opera green with envy.  

 “No matter.... her name is Daffy and she has all the boys chasing after her.   Naturally she takes after her Ma.

“We lived all our life – so far at least - up in the Coombe and I do all me business on the corner of St. Patrick’s Street.   Sure and haven’t I been doing the same for the past forty-six years.   You get a lot of people around here who would steal the skin off your teeth but there’s not a one who would take me on.   Oh no sir, I could beat the lard out of anyone who tried – man or woman....

“Me friends call me Biddy and I’ve always been called that.   When I was a youngster the nun at the Convent school said I shouldn’t let them others call me that because it was ‘derogatry’ or something like that.  She said it meant that I was a chicken or a hen.  I’ve heard some old people called that name like that they are annoying or gossip about their neighbours.   You hear them say “She’s a right auld Biddy” and things like that.   But I don’t mind it when the men call me it because I like to think that they still fancy me, old and all as I am. 

“On a Saturday night after I have a few bottles of stout sure things might happen with one of the lads that takes a lot of forgiveness from the Priest in Confession the next day.   

“Father Brian is alright, he only gives me three Hail Mary’s but Father James, sure he would have me thumping me chest asking for God’s forgiveness until the next Saturday and reciting the Rosary like nobody’s business.   And even though I have a bit of the rheumatism from standing around in the rain at me barrow, he still has me kneeling down in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary for hours on end.   With the greatest respect to Mary and Father James but there’s little I can do except get meself a man whenever I’ve had more than three bottles of Guinness.

“Anyway, I can say with me hand on me heart that you will not find a more dacent and trustworthy women than Biddy Mulligan in the whole of Ireland no matter how far you travel.   ‘The Pride of the Coombe’ they call me and I have never cheated in anything in me life – not even on Mr. Mulligan when we was married.

“As I told yeah, I’ve had the same pitch now for forty-six years and I sell anything and everything.   The little childer love me because of me sweets – bullseyes, fizzbags and sugar-sticks are the best value in town.   They come to me with their pennies and halfpennies and all leave me happy.   Aah God, sure I wish I’d had more babbies when I was young.

“The fish I sell on a Friday is the freshest in the street and I have had the same customers for years and years.  That’s a good sign in itself when they all are still alive.   Ah now, sure I’m only pulling your leg.   The fish comes straight to me from the boat at Howth and me prices are the fairest around.   

“I sell second-hand clothes on a Saturday and charge only what I think the poor people can afford.   I like to think that they will go to Mass on a Sunday looking nice and clean.    Meself, sure I always look me best when I go there and all the old Biddy’s look at me as if I have two heads.   They’re just jealous of the stuff I get from some of the rich toffs from around Saint Stephen’s Green.   I pick the best for meself and have a new getup every week.

“Me son’s name is Michael and we call him Mick for short.   He is a fine strappin’ lad and has all the local girls queuing up to go out with him.   It’s strange but he’s not really interested in girls.   I hope to God he doesn’t turn out like that dandy, Oscar Wilde the quare one.    

Mick plays the fife in the Longford Street Band and on the Summer Sundays it would do your heart good to see him all dressed up in his uniform.   He is a right show-off and seeing him marching up and down with the band on Dolly Mount Strand makes me old heart bleed.   He looks exactly like his father - only much younger.

“Anyway, what I really wanted to talk to you all about is that fancy Ball that was held last year on New Year’s Eve when old Humpy Soodlum had his birthday party and they organised a big do for him and all the other Ragmen in the city.   It was a glorious night and one that will be remembered for many’s a year.    Well, believe it or not, the following summer, all the Charladies got together and decided to see if we could not do better than the Ragmen.   

“What’s that you say?  What are charladies?   Sure now, are you trying to get your own back on me for pulling your leg?     Sure isn’t the charladies the ones who keep all the offices and the posh people’s houses clean and well scrubbed.   When things are tight for money, sure don’t I do a bit of it meself.    Anyway, we all decided to do our best to outdo old Humpy – even though his do was one of the best ever seen in Dublin.

“The Parish Priest let us have the church hall and we did it all up with coloured streamers and polished everything in sight.   It looked glorious and shined like a new penny.   We borrowed bits and pieces from everyone and had a collection to pay for things.   

All of the market stallholders put in some food and we found out that Humpy had a contact in the Brewery and he saw us all right by letting us have a few knocked-off barrels of stout for a few pounds.   I don’t even want to think of where Tommy Mooney got all the wine and a few bottles of Champagne but I am damn-sure he didn’t pay for it.   There was bottles and bottles of lemonade for the childer and for us ladies in particular, there was a dozen bottles of the best Sherry.    We were all cooking lovely different kinds of food all week before it was on.

“The day of the Ball finally came and at four o’clock in the afternoon the doors opened.    Mother of God, but you would want to see all the different costumes that people were wearing..........................

“Meself, sure I wore an outfit that someone borrowed for me from the costume part of the Theatre Royal.   I was supposed to be Queen Anne but sure because nobody had any pictures of her, I had to guess different things.  Me boyfriend for the night was dressed up as a monkey and I can tell you, if he tries any monkey business later on I’ll give him the back of me hand.   Well, maybe just a few kisses and a little cuddle after what Father Brian said to me the last time..................

“The number of people dressed up as Cowboys and Indians was unbelievable.   There must have been enough to make a cowboy film as good as what yez see in the picture houses.   Mary Moore from up the Liberties was the most beautifully dressed.   She came as Queen Mary of Scotland.   God only knows where her son P.J. borrowed the costume she was wearing and even if he was to get six months in Mountjoy Gaol, sure it would have been worth it just to see the happiness it gave his auld mother.

“Lefty Moorehouse came in a big sack and just called himself a sack of spuds.  Sure he even got one of his pals to tie the top and only had two holes for his eyes cut in it.   He must have fallen down about fifty times in the first half-hour until someone cut two holes for his feet in the bottom of the sack.   It's a pity they didn't do the same for his mouth ‘cause he couldn't have a drink all night.  He tried to pour the porter through one of the eye holes in the sack but it never worked.   He even tried to suck the porter through the sack.   He was so mad because nobody would undo the sack over his head.    Like I was saying, all he did all night was to fall around the place with the childers all screaming and shoutin’ at him.   Sure he must have been black and blue for the next three months.

“Some of me son Mick’s friends from the band played some lovely music and we danced for hours.  They played all sorts of things and there was all that foreign dancing.   Meself, all I was ever any good at was a little bit of Irish dancin’, but with the big wide dress I was wearing down to the floor, all I had to do was stand there and shake me hips and bum and it looked like I was doing all the fancy dance steps.   It was great....

“We drank ourselves silly right into the night and it got even better after all the childer were sent home at nine o’clock.   Me daughter Daffy made a show of herself.   She said she was dressed as the film star Mae West and nearly started a riot every time she pretended to do a striptease.    You would think she was a bitch on heat the way all the young men were howling like dogs sniffing around her.   Shame on her but I suppose I will have to take her penance next week at Confession and say I done it.   She only goes about once a year and then always says she forgot all the best sins.   

“At two o’clock in the morning, someone came around with a few bottles of Jameson Whiskey and we all had a nightcap.   Me?  Sure and didn’t I have too much porter once again so me and me man for the night made our way back to my house.

“Here we go again – please God say it will be Father Brian next Saturday cause I think I will still have a hangover even then and I don’t fancy spending a couple of hours on me knees.......................

“And you know something.   It was a glorious night without any angry words being spoken and not a single bloody nose in the whole place.  

That's if ye don't count Lefty Moorehouse of course - sure he was in bits.   Not like Humpy’s and the Ragman’s Ball.    The Charlady’s Ball was indeed the second best do ever seen in Dublin and that’s not bad ‘cause Humpy’s was and always will be number one.....” 

-------Mike-------