The Ragman's Ball and Humpy Soodelum.

A Dublin Hooley.

 It was one twilight evening in early December 1899, with the weather being kind, that Kieran Grace and Humpy Soodelum were sitting on the steps outside the block of tenement flats in Ashe Street up off the top of Sackville Street, Dublin in an area known as "The Liberties".

"Did yeah hear that?" Kieran asked. "And what would that be now Kieran?" Humpy asked in reply. "Why, all the swanks and the Lords and Ladies are planning a big celebration for the New Year. They are really going to town with the Lord Mayor and all the big noises up at the Castle all having a knees-up. And do you know what Humpy?" he asked "Naw, go on Kieran, what?" Humpy replied. "The fecken gobshites are charging it all down to the rates. We’re paying for it, that’s bloody what" Kieran added with bitterness in his voice.

With that Humpy scratched his head in puzzlement. "Sure, I never paid any rates in me life" he protested. "Well, taxes then" Kieran was obviously annoyed. "None of them neither" Humpy continued. "You know what Humpy?" Kieran asked "but you are as thick as the sandwiches my mother used to make, and that’s bloody well saying something".

Humpy, or Humphrey as he was Christened went into deep thought. He did in fact have a hump on his back caused by years of heavy lifting and carrying in the Docks on the North Wall of the Liffey but he had not worked there for many years. He did not take offence at the name his friends called him, as he liked to think that it was short for Humphrey and not the hump. In fact no one meant the slightest offence to him as he was well liked in the city. He was a Rag and Bone man and pushed his cart throughout the streets from dawn to dusk most days. He made enough money to pay his rent for the one room he lived in alone and enough food to keep himself above the starvation level.

Kieran on the other hand was a ‘man of learning’ as people used to say but he suffered with his nerves. It was said that he even tried to gas himself while he was at Trinity College University but the gas meter ran out of money and all he ended up doing was making himself very sick.  Since his old widowed mother died, he too had a single room in the same block of flats as Humpy. He was not wealthy but had sufficient funds to enable him to avoid work.

Humpy again scratched his head and slowly spoke "So Kieran, are you thinking that some of us poor people might get invited to the big do up at the Castle?" "For the love of God Humpy; all I am saying is that all the rich bastards up there will be enjoying themselves at our expense while we all huddle together in front of a small fire if we are lucky listening to the church-bells on Saint Patrick’s making a racket. Why don’t we organise something ourselves. It’s the start of a new century" Kieran was in full flow and there was no stopping him.

"You know something Kieran?" Humpy asked. "And what’s that?" Kieran answered with little or no interest in his voice. "I always kept it a secret Kieran, but I was born on the 1^stJanuary and I’ll be fifty this year" Humpy said with a smile through his missing teeth. "Jesus, Mary and good Saint Joseph" Kieran said and almost added, ‘I thought you were nearer seventy’. However, instead he added as if a brainwave had just struck him "That’s it Humpy, we will have our own bloody Ball in competition with the swanks up at the Lord Mayor’s. You can invite all the other Ragmen as your guests. And you know something Humpy, we can call it after you - ‘The Ragman’s Ball’ ".  ”That’s great Kieran; I’ve got a few quid saved so I will chip that in". "I’ll put in a few bob myself, I haven’t much but I will do the organising". With that they said their good nights and made their way back to their little rooms.

That night, before going to bed, Kieran made his first attempt at an official notice announcing the forthcoming ball. He had some good ideas for the whole affair.

Next morning Kieran was up at the crack of dawn and waiting outside the flats. He was looking for one man in particular. At the stroke of seven, Big John Lavin came out into the street. He was a giant of a man. "Off to work early John?" asked Kieran. "Indeed Kieran" answered John "we are doing the canal run halfway across the country". "That’s what I was going to ask you about John" Kieran lowered his voice to a whisper. "We are organising a big do on New Year’s Eve John, celebrating a load of things and we will need a couple of barrels of stout". John, who had been working for the Guinness Brewery for ten years, knew only too well what Kieran meant. "It’ll cost you a pound a barrel Kieran, that’s the best I can do" John whispered back. "If you get someone down by the canal at about nine this morning, I’ll let them have a couple, you can pay me Friday". Kieran rubbed his hands together and just said "Gameball John, I’ll be there meself with Humpy’s barrow and a couple of sacks. God bless you John". With that, John went on his way and Kieran went up and banged on Humpy’s door.

Humpy opened the door and when he saw who it was, he invited him in. Kieran noticed the smell of frying rashers of bacon and without saying anything, Humpy poured him a mug of tea and gave him a sandwich. "Well Humpy" Kieran smiled his best smile. "I’ve started the ball rolling but I need a hand this morning with your cart and a couple of sacks. See me downstairs at eight, ok.?"   Having finished the sandwich in a couple of bites and the tea in two gulps, he left the room.

Kieran still had a few things to do. He made his way to the street market in Moore Street and looked along the stalls for another contact. He suddenly saw her engrossed in some shady deal or other. When the other person left, Kieran made his way up to her. 

"Hello Liza, how’s business". "Ticking over Mr. Grace, and what would be your pleasure?"  Kieran lowered his voice "Four or five bottles of the hard stuff Lisa". Lisa looked around her then added "How soon Mr. Grace, it’s a bit hard to come by lately". "Not ‘till the end of the month Lisa, but it is important," Kieran added. "Ah sure that’s no bother Mr. Grace, it will give it a chance to mature in the bottles. It won’t be ten year old Jameson, more like ten days old" she began to laugh so hard, that everyone in the street turned their heads. Kieran made his way back to the flats.

Humpy was waiting for him with his cart. Kieran noticed that there were indeed some sacks and other old clothes in the back. And so away they walked towards the west- side of Dublin following the canal. About three miles further on, they pushed the cart up onto the canal bank under some trees. It was only half-eight. They waited and sure enough, at a minute or two either side of nine, they saw the brewery barge coming towards them. Without even slowing down, John Lavin, on seeing Humpy, lifted a barrel from the deck of the barge and hoisted it onto the bank, quickly followed by another. The barge did not even slow down...............

Just as fast, the sacks were put over the barrels and it took all their joint strengths to get each one into the cart. They quietly sauntered home with Humpy calling out his trade call "Any auld rags, bones or bottles". Kieran was pretending that he was not with Humpy but was in fact looking after his investment.

Two or three days later, the ‘Notice’ was complete and when Humpy saw it, he actually began to cry.

Christmas was only ten days away now but once the news of the Ball hit the streets, the neighbours began to take to the idea. There were so many offers from different people of drink and food that both Kieran’s and Humpy’s little rooms were stacked to the ceilings with all sorts of preserves, cakes, drinks of all sorts and smoked ham. Excitement became too much for Humpy and he spent most of his time crying at the generosity of the people who had precious little to spare but still made donations.

In fact, Christmas took second stage to the Ball and it came and went without too much merriment. Tickets were being sold like hot cakes and those who could not afford the charge were quietly slipped a couple of tickets with no questions asked. "I’ll tell you what Humpy" Kieran said to Humpy with only three days to go, "but there’s more people who want to come to your ‘do’ than want to go to the Mayor’s Ball. It should be a grand night".

The illegal whiskey, poteen, had arrived from Liza who only asked for four tickets instead of payment. Two more barrels of stout had been supplied by Lavin for similar payment. All the leftover ham from one of the local butchers was likewise subscribed and a local baker promised to supply sufficient bread to feed the multitude.

Father James had given the Church Hall free of charge and already, some of the men were preparing it with all sorts of streamers and coloured crepe paper. It looked marvellous. Kieran had also visited several bars and recruited a couple of fiddlers and banjo players. Things were looking ‘grand’ as Humpy was heard to say.

On New Year’s Eve, at five o’clock in the afternoon, people were already queuing outside the hall but the doors would not be opened until sharp at seven. Humpy had been at the poteen most of the day and was already very unsteady on his feet. Kieran was stone cold sober and was putting the finishing touches to the preparations. There was no sign of his nerves and he was controlling things like an army general.

At seven o’clock sharp, the doors were opened and people began to stream in. Most had done their best and were wearing their finest clothes. Many had been to the Pawn-Broker’s shop early so that they could wear their best clothes.

Liza Boland arrived wearing an exquisite ballroom gown and a white ermine stole. "Stole indeed," said Father James "I bet I hear all about it at next Saturday’s confession". It was a wonderful turnout and everyone was of their best behaviour.

By half seven, most of the men had drunk about six pints of stout and several glasses of whiskey. Now that they had their money’s worth, Kieran was happy that they would slow down. He then mounted the stage to make an announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Reverend Father and honoured guests" he began. "Who the fecken hell are they?" asked Humpy. There was a chorus of "You and your ladyfriend, you gobshite". Kieran continued. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we are here tonight not only to welcome in the New Year, the new century or any other matter. We are here to honour a famous Dublin commercial traveller. He may not have a fine pony and trap to do his travelling, he has to use ‘Shanks pony’ and push his old cart. He may not deal in finery and does not earn a fortune, he is in fact Dublin’s finest commercial traveller – he deals in Bones and Rags, yes Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you none other than the man himself, Humphrey Soodelum". The cheering went on for a good five minutes and John Lavin and one of his brewery friends lifted Humpy up on their shoulders and marched him around the hall. All Humpy said was "Sure it was only me poor old mother, Lord Rest her, that used to call me that".

Any youngsters who had managed to get into the hall were now sent home and the serious business of the night began. The food was laid out and everyone began to make up for lost time. In the corner the various ‘band’ members were playing for all they were worth. Liza Boland was doing a jig in the centre of the hall. Big John Lavin was singing with all his might.

The ‘do’ had gone along for a couple of hours without a single harsh word being spoken until during a break in the music, Biddy O’Brien from Hawkins Street, who was as drunk as a newt, started to shout in the centre of the hall. Her husband Mickey was trying to quieten her down but Biddy gave him the sight of her fist. "Yez are all fecken hypocrites" she shouted, "there’s hardly a one of you ever gave our guest of honour a good word for the past ten years, yez are all hypocrites".

Humpy went up to her merely to tell her everything was all right, but Mickey thought he was going to hit her. He pushed Humpy away but because he was drunk, he fell to the floor. With that Big John Levin slapped Mickey with the flat of his hand. Mickey hit the floor like a sack of potatoes.

Liza Boland walked straight up to Biddy and hit her on the head with an empty beer bottle. There was blood everywhere. Biddy fell to the floor on top of Mickey. Father James, realising what was happening, made a fast retreat out the side door and was not seen again that night.

Fights were breaking out all over the hall with arguments leading to further punch-ups. Father James had called an ambulance when he saw Biddy’s head before he left. In about ten minutes the ambulance arrived quickly followed by three police officers, one a Sergeant, from the local Constabulary. One went to the ambulance while the Sergeant and the other constable entered the hall.

The information that the police were on their way reached the crowd long before they got inside. As soon as it did, anyone with any blood or injuries hid behind the stage curtain so as not to be seen. Everything looked serene. The Sergeant looked around and saw Big John.

"I might have known you’d be here John, what’s the trouble?"  “Just a bit of a party celebrating Humpy’s fiftieth birthday Sergeant, no trouble at all" John lied through his teeth. "That’s not what the woman in the ambulance suggests" the Sergeant pointed out. "Sure, Serge, that’s Biddy O’Brien – the biggest liar in all of Dublin, she probably slipped on the wet floor" again Big John lied. "Well John" the Sergeant said "that story is good enough for me, will I see you during the week?" he asked. "Awe to be sure Sergeant" John winked at him "I’ll be dropping in a barrel for the boys about Wednesday". With that the police officers left the hall and that was the end of the matter.

The party continued at a much quieter rate than before. Injuries were bandaged and several broken noses were stuffed with cotton wool. The poteen and stout lasted just about up to midnight and when the church bells began to ring at midnight from the nearby St. Patrick’s Cathedral, a great cheer went up.

Kieran, who oddly enough was still stone cold sober, stood up on the stage and wished everyone a happy New Year and Millennium. He also wished Humpy a happy birthday. Humpy however was fast asleep in a corner and knew nothing about the whole affair.

The Ragman’s Ball, the New Year and the New Century heralded a new era for Ireland but the only one with any foresight to realise it was in fact Kieran.   As he stood outside the hall in the cold night air he spoke aloud to himself:

"The next hundred years are going to see some changes around not only old Dublin, but the whole of Ireland.    I hope to God” said Kieran “that She is ready".

Little did he know…………..

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Suggested by an old Dublin Song:  The Ragman's Ball.

A version of the song by The Dubliners is on the following link:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2K7xR_sebnQ

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